15 hilarious parenting comics that are almost too real.

Brian Gordon is a cartoonist. He’s also a dad, which means he’s got plenty of inspiration for the parenting comics he creates for his website,
Fowl Language (only a few of which actually feature any profanity).

He covers many topics, but it’s his hilarious parenting comics that are resonating with moms and dads everywhere.

“My comics are largely autobiographical,” Gordon told me. “I’ve got two kids who are four and seven, and often, what I’m writing happened as recently as that very same day.”

Gordon shared 15 of his oh-so-real comics with us. They’re all funny ’cause they’re true.

Let’s get started with his favorite, called ”
Welcome to Parenting,” which Gordon says sums up his comics pretty well. “Parenting can be such tedious drudgery,” he told me, “but if it wasn’t also so incredibly rewarding there wouldn’t be nearly so many people on the planet.”

Truth.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

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All comics are shared here with Gordon’s express permission. These comics are all posted on his website in addition to his Facebook page. You can also find a “bonus” comic that goes with each one by clicking the “bonus” link.
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I love Gordon’s comics so much because they’re just about the reality of parenting and they capture it perfectly.

There’s no parenting advice, no judgment just some humor about the common day-to-day realities that we all share.

I asked Gordon about the worst parenting advice he ever received, and he shared this anecdote:

“I remember being an absolute sleep-deprived wreck, sitting outside a sandwich shop, wolfing down my lunch quickly beside my one-month-old son, who was briefly resting his lungs between screaming fits.

A rather nosy woman walked up to me and said, all smugly, ‘You should enjoy this time while they’re easy.’ It was the exact worst thing anyone could have said to me in that moment and I just wanted to curl up on the sidewalk and cry.”

Who hasn’t been on the receiving end of totally unneeded and unwanted advice? That’s why Gordon’s comics are so welcome: They offer up a space for us to all laugh about the common experiences we parents share.

Here’s to Gordon for helping us chuckle (through the tears).

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/15-hilarious-parenting-comics-that-are-almost-too-real?c=

7 Demented Tales Of Rock Star Sex You Never Heard Before

The world of rock ‘n’ roll isn’t a place for the fainthearted. It’s full of emotional turmoil, violence, addiction, and just, like, a shitload of hardcore fucking. And often, the gods of rock like to swirl all of that mess together, creating sexual exploits so weird and sordid that even Larry Flynt would look away.

7

David Bowie Banged Slash’s Mom

Of all the possible reasons for musician rivalries, David Bowie and Slash might have a unique one. It’s not that Slash ever called Bowie a has-been, or that Bowie accused Slash of ripping off one his lesser-known alter egos (The Sunglass Wizard). All Bowie did was have tons of sex with Slash’s mom when he was a kid.

During the making of The Man Who Fell to Earth, Bowie — vagabond and satanic sperm incubator — began a passionate affair with his costume designer. The lady in question was Ola Hudson, a world-famous designer responsible for the looks of other rock luminaries like Ringo Starr and John Lennon. She’s also the mother of some guy named Saul Hudson, although we know him better by the punctuation sign he now goes by.

via The Daily Mail
You’re face to face, With the man who boned your mom

During an interview in 2012, Slash finally admitted that he absolutely despised Bowie for being his mom’s boyfriend. And while their relationship was very mysterious to the press, Slash saw it all. The Duke was all up in their domestic life, including tucking the future hellraiser into bed like he was his eyepatch-wearing stepdad from space. Slash even saw Bowie’s Major Tom when he walked in on them during, um, naked wrestling. The guitarist does admit that he always thought Bowie was cool, just not in the “it’s cool to bang my mom” kinda way. Admittedly, that was probably a package deal if you wanted to be friends with David Bowie.

Although the whirlwind romance only lasted three years, Ola remained close with Bowie, even asking him to sit down with Slash and give him advice on overcoming his drug addiction early in his career. We’re not sure how that conversation started, but it probably ended with some door-slamming and Slash yelling, “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my real dad!”

6

Motley Crue Rubbed Egg Burritos On Their Dicks To Mask The Smell Of Groupie Sex

According to pop culture, hiding an affair is a complex plot involving secret phones, meaningful glances, and constantly sniffing and re-sniffing your clothes. It’s a high-stakes game, and if you don’t want to lose, you better be willing to do anything. Just ask Motley Crue.

In the early days of the band, most of the members had girlfriends — which is problematic when your job kind of insists on you sexing groupies. Not wanting to break up with the loves of their lives, but also wanting to constantly be boning other people whenever they weren’t home, the Crue came up with a plan. After every piece of backstage or recording booth tail, the band would take Tommy Lee’s van to a place called Naugles. There, they celebrated their infidelity with a round of egg burritos — one to eat, and one to slather all over their dicks and balls.

Now, rubbing Mexican food on your junk isn’t some old-fashioned cure-all for groupie-related STIs — this ritual was all about the smell. The band figured that the smell of egg burrito would overpower even the most pungent of backstage favors. And before you ask “Couldn’t they just shower?” remember that this is Motley Crue we’re talking about. Look at them. Taking a shower would raise more suspicions than coming home smelling of strange vaginas. As Vince Neil described it, “We would tell our girlfriends, ‘Oh, we dropped the burritos in our laps.'” Every day of the week. Maybe their girlfriends were too worried about them dying of high cholesterol to be thinking about them cheating.

As we know you’re dying to find out, they used the burritos like washcloths, not like fleshlights. The Crue didn’t ram their members into piping-hot eggs. At that point of the evening, their dicks were already burning plenty.

5

Limp Bizkit, ICP, And Korn Made Pornos Of Their Own Lives

As music historians can confirm, the angsty and angry nu-metal sound was developed as a coping mechanism for the great tragedy that was Batman And Robin. Naturally, bands like Limp Bizkit, Korn, and Insane Clown Posse were immediately accused of corrupting young minds. Not with their shitty music, but because of all the hardcore porn they were producing.

Zane Entertainment Group
You can get herpes just by looking at that cover.

On the backs of their reputations as barnstorming hooligans, these bands were offered starring spots in the soon-to-be-bestselling series Backstage Sluts, wherein famous rockers recount their wildest sexual moments — which totally happened, bro — while actual porn stars acted them out.

So what sort of antics are we talking here? Well, there’s ICP’s Violent J trying to cajole one of the performers into having sex with him because he’s got the world’s biggest penis (a line which we’re sure she’s never heard before). Or how about watching a reenactment of El Duce — of the charming “rape rock” band The Mentors — having sex with homeless women? Or watching another singer have the world’s least passionate threesome with his girlfriend and another woman? Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister even shows up to talk about the terrifying hour he spent laying some supremo pipe on Wendy O. Williams, lead singer of The Plasmatics.

The piece de resistance, however, is watching Insane Clown Posse reminisce about a time they witnessed their roadies throwing lunch meat at naked groupies … only to become so sexually excited by the re-enactment happening in front of them that they can’t help but burst into frame and start lobbing some bologna themselves, like barely sentient Barbary apes breaking the fourth and fifth walls.

Spin Magazine
The fifth wall is the lunchmeat industry.

Backstage Sluts can be found for sale at your local garage sale, alongside other tit-for-tat niche porn like What Can I Do to Get Out Of This Ticket, Officer? and I’m Rich, Blow Me Vol. 9. Alternatively, you can join a church or something.

4

Nick Cannon And Mariah Carey Did It To Her Music

At some point in their lives (16-24), most people will make a sex mixtape — a collection of songs to set the mood during lovemaking. Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey had a playlist like that, only theirs was nothing but a loop of Carey’s song about how real heroes never go soft halfway through.

In 2012, during an interview with chain smoking grandmother Howard Stern, Cannon revealed that when the then-couple had lovin’ on their minds, there was nothing that got the bodily fluids pouring like queuing up a couple of her tracks and going to town on each other. Their favorite Carey anthem? Her soft and sweeping “Hero.” Maybe it’s because of encouraging lyrics like And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. Or maybe it’s because Cannon doesn’t have any music of his own worth listening to while you’re trying to bump uglies. Either way, this should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with Mariah Carey, who insisted on giving birth while listening to a recorded live performance of her own song, “Fantasy,” so she could hear her fans clapping for her.

But unlike most of us, Cannon was getting off on his wife’s singing long before they were married. In the same interview, he also told the world that he jerked it to the very same song, which might be the most loyal version of masturbation anyone has ever admitted to. After their divorce, Cannon admitted that sharing those tidbits had gotten him into trouble with Carey. Maybe telling the world that he needed two Mariah Careys to whisper in his ears might have contributed to their split. At least he has her music to keep him company at night.

3

David Lee Roth Paid His Road Crew $100 For Every Woman They Brought Him Backstage

We’ve already written about the sex tents that Van Halen’s Sammy Hagar had installed wherever he performed so that he could disappear mid-solo and indulge himself in a groupie or nine. But that’s not the only way Van Halen was entrepreneurial with his young fans. Let’s take a minute and discuss how original frontman David Lee Roth amused his roadies by sending them out on groupie scavenger hunts.

From his lofty position on the stage, Roth would instruct his roadies to dive into the crowd and collect very specific girls for him to have sex on. The lucky girl would be given a special backstage pass with the initials of the roadie who approached her written in the top corner. If that pass was then among the ones strewn on his floor the next morning, Roth would reward the roadie with a $100 bonus at breakfast the next morning, because exchanging money for sex works up an appetite.

But that’s not where Roth’s impressive management methods ended. Once he’d chosen his girls/targets, he would often inform the crew that once all of the equipment was packed into the trucks, they were free to pick up the leftover groupies. And while it must have been unpleasant for the hotties who flocked backstage to get the runner-up prize of being felt up by a mustard-stained teamster, using women as currency did cut pack-up times in half.

Seeing that so much of his backstage dealings revolved around Roth banging groupies, it makes sense that he insured his wang. After all, if something ever happened to it, the backstage work would have ground to a halt. But everywhere else, women would rejoice at no longer being herded into Roth’s fuck pen by his sound-checking border collies, and men would rejoice for never having to hear “Jump” again.

2

Marilyn Manson Has Too Many Sex Rules

Marilyn Manson might be the wildest rocker in the business. Looking like Jared Leto having a psychotic break during the filming of Suicide Squad 2 and acting like an Ozzy Osbourne who can remember how to be metal, you can only imagine how the sex is, right? Very bureaucratic, it turns out.

Manson likes his rules, particularly when they concern boning, or “splicing the Cthulhu with two backs.” If you want to get down to goth business with him, for instance, the lights have to be off. Not because he thrives in darkness and shit, mind, but because he’s really shy.


Clearly.

It’s hard for Manson to concentrate, which is why he also only has sex while keeping his underwear around his ankles, in case he needs to flee the room. Makes sense, it’s really hard to find black silk in total darkness.

Manson’s peccadillos wouldn’t be such an issue for his queens of the dead if they didn’t come up so frequently. The minimum number of times per day he has to engage in “sexual congress” is five, with ten being the ideal goal. So imagine having to punch in five times a day, waiting for Manson to squeeze out of seven layers of latex, and then stumbling around in the dark, knowing that if you accidentally make his underoos slip off, the whole carnival starts all over again. Add an antique abortionist chair covered with a bear rug, which is Manson’s favorite sex surface, and now you know what it’s like making love to the goth supreme: like trying to play an Edgar Allan Poe board game with a 100-page rulebook and a separate pamphlet full of footnotes.

1

Cynthia Albritton Made Plaster Molds Of Every Rock Star’s Dick

Often, fans want to commemorate seeing their rock gods by buying some merchandise — maybe a T-shirt or some rad collectible dishes. Really big fans hang out by the backstage, hoping they might get their hands on a guitar pick or a towel drained in frontman sweat. But the biggest of all fans won’t go home unless they get a plaster cast of their beloved musician’s penis. Meet Cynthia Albritton, aka Cynthia Plaster Caster, aka the “Super Groupie.” Cynthia spent the ’70s and ’80s making sure future generations would know how endowed the musical legends of the day were. (In the case of composer Clint Mansell: “very.”) She got her start after being given an assignment in art school to plaster cast “something hard,” which she interpreted as her art teacher telling her to go out and ask Jimi Hendrix if she could grab his dick.

After doggedly stalking Hendrix, she found herself invited up to his hotel room, at which point she pulled out her equipment, told him to stick it in, and made sure it stayed hard — a description which covers 99 percent of all rock star / groupie interactions. Being new to the taking-plaster-casts-of-musician-penises game, however, Cynthia made a mistake: She forgot to lube up Hendrix’s pubes, which led to an agonizing 15 minutes of his short and curlies getting yanked out of what must have felt like cooled adamantium. By the looks of it, maybe she didn’t forget to lube the base so much as run out of it by the time she got there.

Over the next few decades, Albritton would go onto plaster-cast members of bands such as MC5, Journey, the Kinks, the Beach Boys, the Lovin’ Spoonful, and the Dead Kennedy’s (Jello Biafra!). Then, in one of the most bizarre heists in history, Frank Zappa’s manager tried to steal her collection. Not because he wanted to protect Zappa’s choir-boy-like reputation, but because he wanted something interesting on his coffee table. And copies of his clients’ dicks definitely count.

When Adam isn’t killing rock music, he tweets on Twitter and faces on Facebook.

If you want to mask the smell of groupie sex with egg burritos, here’s a very affordable egg burrito maker!

Also check out The 6 Most (Certifiably) Insane Tales of Rock Star Behavior and 8 Acts Of Rock Star Debauchery That Would Destroy You.

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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_24887_7-tales-rock-star-sex-debauchery-that-are-pure-wtf.html

The women in Scotland championing comic books – BBC News

Image copyright DC Thomson & Co Ltd
Image caption An illustration from 1977’s The Nine Lives of Kitty Foster, which features in a new exhibition on girls’ comics in Dundee

Perceptions that comics and graphic novels are just about city-wrecking scraps between superheroes and super villains are being challenged by a growing number of women in Scotland interested in the genre.

Among these women are a university masters degree graduate and artists and writers from across Scotland.

In their own words they tell of why they are passionate about comics and how they are so much more than stories about caped crusaders.


Tanya Roberts: Comic and graphic novel artist

Image copyright Tanya Roberts
Image caption Artist Tanya Roberts and examples of her artwork

Edinburgh-born artist Roberts has illustrated comics based on Star Wars spin-off Clone Wars, as well as Toy Story and Strawberry Shortcake.

Among her current projects is creating a graphic novel called Abeyance, with her husband.

She believes that now is a good time for female artists, writers and readers, but also for comics generally, irrespective of gender.

“There are a few good reasons for it,” she says.

‘Emotional connections’

“Comics, the characters that are within them and the worlds that they create are now people’s playgrounds.

“People can write about them, dress up like them even create alternative universes or fan art for them.

“All of this of course is then posted to various online social media type things and perpetuate people’s interest in that particular fandom. That, in turn, sells more comics.

Image copyright Tanya Roberts
Image caption Art from Roberts’ graphic novel Abeyance

“I think the differences in attracting a male/female readership is subtlety small. Because I go to conventions and sell my material to people I get feedback and notice who is buying my artwork.

“Females seem to appreciate character relationships and that emotional connection between them a bit more. I know I do, as a female reader, get inspired when there’s great characters in the story with interesting relationships to others.”

Roberts believes there to be a healthy female audience for comics.

She says: “Girls don’t only seem to cosplay as their favourite characters they also buy comics too.

“I always get excited talking to people who are inspired by comics and even more so to learn that they have taken their passion even further, that it in turn has inspired them to create something, like fan art, fiction or even their own original stuff.

“To which I say to them: see you next year at the stall next to mine selling your own comic.”


Louise Quirion: Comic book exhibition curator

Image copyright Louise Quirion
Image caption Louise Quirion giving a tour of a new exhibition on comics in Dundee

French-born Louise Quirion is a graduate of University of Dundee’s MLitt course in Comics and Graphic Novels.

She is also the curator of Girls in Print, an exhibition running until 21 October in the university’s Tower Building Foyer.

The exhibition includes more than 30 original artworks from a number of Dundee publisher DC Thomson’s titles such as The Topper, Bunty and Twinkle.

“When I began looking into this area, I was amazed at the range of stories covered by girls’ comics,” says Quirion.

Image copyright DC Thomson & Co Ltd
Image caption An illustration from 1977’s Spellbound comic story Beware the Mystery Dolls

“As well as school and ballet stories, there are also sports stories, historical dramas, science-fiction and tales of the supernatural.

“This exhibition is a great opportunity to discover or re-discover the high school stories of the Four Marys or the space adventures of the Supercats, while appreciating rarely seen original art.”

To show how comics have evolved today, the exhibition also features work by current female comics artists such as Kate Charlesworth, Tanya Roberts and Gillian Hatcher.

‘Marketing strategy’

During her research for the display, Quirion became interested by how publishers in the UK target readers with gender-specific titles, which is a different approach to other parts of Europe.

She says: “I find it fascinating because France and UK are geographically very close, and yet their comic cultures are based on very different ideas.

Image copyright Maria Stoian
Image caption Modern works also feature in the Girls in Print

“I feel like this separation girls/boys is mostly a marketing strategy. They are still using it in Japan and it works great there.”

But she adds: “Everyone reads comics in France, whatever their gender or age is, so the best strategy is more to appeal to everyone.

“I know American comics are pretty popular right now, but I encourage anyone that likes comics to also read other things.”


Team Girl Comic: Scottish-based collective of comic book creators

Image copyright Clare Forrest
Image caption Artwork by TGC artist Clare Forrest

TGC was set up to as a support network for women cartoonists across Scotland, and features in Louise Quirion’s Girls in Print exhibition in Dundee.

Gill Hatcher, editor and founder of the group, says: “The number of women and girls in Scotland both attending comic events and making comics has exploded in recent years.

“When TGC began in 2009 we were a very small tight-knit group, but the number of people getting in touch and asking to join keeps on growing.

“There are a lot more opportunities for young people to learn the craft of writing and drawing comics, and lots more channels for them to get their work out to a wider audience.

“And gradually, as more women have got involved in the Scottish comics scene, the more it has opened up to new creators who might have previously felt intimidated or unwelcome.”

Image copyright Cover of That Girl Comic
Image caption Ren Wednesday’s cover art for TGC’s anthology That Girl Comic

Hatcher says the subjects women want to tackle through comic stories and art are wide-ranging.

She says: “Our contributors write about all sorts of subject matters, often highly personal and touching on politics, identity and feminism.

Image copyright Gill Hatcher
Image caption An illustration by Gill Hatcher

“There’s often a lot of humour in the stories we tell too.”

Hatcher adds: “Our latest anthology, That Girl Comic, featured our artists’ different takes on the theme ‘growing up’ and we ended up with a great mixture of childhood memories, teenage angst and present-day reflections, as well as some more surreal and whimsical interpretations.”


Vicky Stonebridge: Artist and comic book fan

Image copyright Vicky Stonebridge/Northings
Image caption Vicky Stonebridge and an example of her comic book illustrations

Stonebridge, a painter, craftworker and co-organiser of the Highlands’ popular but now defunct HiEx comic convention, is based in Lochcarron in Wester Ross.

Growing up in the Highlands, she recalls pouring over a comic her dad bought her when she was three or four.

“It wasn’t the Dandy and Beano I later came to love, but a ‘boys’ comic with sci-fi, action and crazy perilous monster stories in it. I loved it,” she says.

“I was an early reader, but didn’t really get what was going on, there was a giant rat man who was mugging people and being generally menacing.”

‘Geek culture’

Stonebridge’s interest in comics was reignited later at art college when a friend showed her a copy of the British sci-fi and fantasy adventure comic, 2000AD.

She says: “It blew me away. I was the only other person I knew who read it, it was for a long time the only comic I knew.

“I even wrote part of my dissertation about it. I loved the escapism, the action, satire, punk attitude, fantasy and adventure. I was never a girly girl so stories of ballerinas and public school girls were never going to cut it with me.”

Image copyright Vicky Stonebridge
Image caption Stonebridge fell in love with sci-fi and fantasy art at a young age

She adds: “My love of sci-fi went along similar lines, with a teacher taking a book off me when I was seven as it was ‘too old for me’.

“I still remember vividly the aliens, mutants and space paradoxes that excited me, and the feeling of resentment at being told it wasn’t for me.

“This is why I enjoy working with young people and encouraging their interests in comics, geek culture , genre fiction and art, because I think it is important to support them in their journey of discovery in order to foster creativity and imagination instead of closing doors.”

‘Always evil’

Stonebridge says a big challenge with comics is challenging the way female characters can be portrayed in the illustrations.

“There are lots more examples of strong female characters in comic books and film adaptations coming to the fore,” she says.

“2000AD always had some strong women, but often these were sidekicks to the main male character.

“The character Psi Judge Anderson is an interesting character, some writers and artists have given her real depth, and yet there still persists other artists who still portray her as a pouting doll with ridiculous breasts.

“A more consistent 2000AD female character was Aimee Nixon. She switched sides and her allegiances were muddy, but she was always fierce and kick-ass.”

Stonebridge adds: “As I’ve become middle aged myself I crave to see older women characters, as all these idealised slim attractive comic women just don’t resonate.

“I love to see diversity in comics, characters who reflect the real world. There are always gnarly old men characters, but where are the women – apart from being super villains of course, because everyone knows that older women are always evil.”

All images are copyrighted.

Read more: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-40731872